Everyday I wake up and gaze into the beautiful faces of my children, made in the image of God: vibrant eyes, infectious smiles and beautiful brown skin. And still, I know that their joyful laughter, kind hearts, and love for other people will be overlooked; all someone will be able to see is their skin color and discriminate against them for it. I grieve that day. I have grieved that day.

“Conflict is a necessary ingredient in the process of being known and building intimacy”(Terra Mattson, Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace). As moms, we expect conflict between our children. We expect it between our kiddos and friends they play with. When my kids were toddlers and preschoolers, I welcomed disagreements as they provided learning moments I could teach within. As they have gotten older, though, I catch myself uttering the words, “Can you please just get along?” Or, “Please stop disagreeing,” negating the fact that my kids still need to learn how to move throughconflict. Conflict allows depth to develop within relationship. Walking through conflict, owning one’s mistakes, and practicing the act of forgiveness are valuable learning moments for kids and adults, alike.

I take the plunge. I invite other women to join me. We form a new Courageous Girls group. We get about two steps in, and then I start to wonder, “Am I doing this right?” I look around. I observe. I consider that we’re all from different schools, different communities, different backgrounds. I realize we have fewer girls in our group than other groups before us. I realize our daughters aren’t sitting quietly; they aren’t participating. We didn’t get through the full lesson in our allotted time. I imagine it probably won’t work to do a 2-night retreat. I feel defeated.Moms are complaining. Moms are asking me hard questions. Moms are wondering if I really know what I’m talking about. Moms are doubting they can fully commit to something planned months out. Moms are wrestling with their own insecurity about their own adult relationships.This was not how it was supposed to go. Worry and self-doubt rise abruptly. Sometimes this all just feels — impossible. How is it going to work? Other leaders seem to have it all together.

Leading a Courageous Girls group can be overwhelming at times. Let’s be honest, there will be times when everyone does NOT see eye to eye. Moms may question a monthly topic or daughters might experience tension due to issues flaring up at school or in friendship circles. While CG groups are bound to experience road blocks that attempt to throw us off track, remember that one of the most unique aspects of this group is that you will be traveling a lengthy journey together to grow character that can only be fostered over time and difficulties. It’s not a season-by-season activity where participants are coming and going. But, this reality will also be difficult. After all, many people are not accustomed to sticking anything out for the long haul. Challenges and struggle often tempt us to jump ship to avoid having to wade through the murkiness and discomfort that commitment brings with it. And wouldn’t the Enemy LOVE to de-rail your group and disconnect the relationships that have been cultivated?

When I reflect on the idea of courage, a particular moment from high school stands out in my mind.